I’ve failed more than a few times. And it was my fault, more times than I’d like to admit.
I am King of Second Chances.
I bought the unlimited plan. Because I don’t know how many I’ll need in a lifetime.
Only Lord knows when I’ll run out.
I’ve almost died. I’ve been arrested, and was close to being arrested for the same offense. I’ve held out on information that I knew would help people. I’ve been selfish. I’ve allowed fear to get the best of me. I’ve doubted myself. I’ve forsaken myself. I’ve fought myself and the things I was supposed to do. All in the name of selfishness, greed, and lust.
I’ve battled and killed the best versions of myself to fit with others. I’ve put myself through unnecessary wars. I’ve avoided the mirror because I’ve seen a liar.
I’ve grown up and then shrunk down. I’ve neglected my wisdom. I’ve tested myself in the worst ways and passed, only to continue to get good at things I didn’t need to get good at.
I mastered the right way to do the wrong things.
Why? Why all of this?
Why did I do things that I knew wouldn’t help me? Neglecting what’s righteous to the soul; covertly committing to self-sabotage?
It’s like a self-inflicting disease. The want to feel good overridden by the want to do good.
The want to do good but the inclination to not do good, coexisting in the same body. A built-in virus, patiently eating away at the better, well-meaning cells.
I don’t have an answer for this. I do know, I tried this way too many times. It doesn’t work. It’s never worked. And my guess is, the cul-de-sac that it is, would have reconstructed into a cliff, if I’d continued driving down it.
Cliffs lead to destruction. They lead to nowhere.
I don’t want to go nowhere. And I definitely don’t want to self-destruct.
Yes, I know. Easier said than done.
But isn’t it worth it to try? Isn’t it worth our valuable lives to see what would happen if we got out of our own way (just for once) and started living in ways that helped ourselves?
I’d like you to SEE what I SEE.
We really don’t know how many second chances we get.
We don’t know when our time is up. Why don’t we live like it?
We could be sabotaging our own good efforts. Ruining what’s right for us. Changing our character to be the type of person that can’t manage the responsibility called for us.
Just for once, while we know better, let’s do better. Let’s push each other. Let’s make things right. It doesn’t mean that things will be smooth. It doesn’t mean that we’ll live problem-free lives. In fact, it doesn’t really guarantee us anything. But how will we know when we’ve tried the other way for so long?
How will we know what our lives could be if we don’t put serious effort into making it what it should be?
We don’t know. We won’t know.
Unless we commit to change.
Then, and only then, can we see.