Before writing this, I had to answer this question inside of my own mind.
Because when the room becomes quiet and there is nowhere to immediately direct my attention to, I reach for my phone.
Usually, it’s for no apparent reason other than, it’s there, in reach. I am given the option to pick it up, so I do. Most of the time, without thinking.
Discomfort presents itself in many forms. But the particular kind of discomfort I’m addressing is the kind that forces you to see yourself. This is a revealing type of event, that puts you in a room with yourself and forces you to do something you’ve probably been avoiding. It forces you to actually think about your life and the decisions you are making.
Time has a way of slowing for us, but almost counteractively, we do our best to speed to the next moment.
You are given a moment in the waiting room at the doctor’s office to reflect, slow down, and think about your day. But instead, you use this time to scroll social media and entertain yourself with the latest memes. Nothing wrong with this. But seeing yourself, seeing how you respond when you’re given a window of uninterrupted time — this is revealing.
Can you handle a small moment of doing nothing?
Can you stand the quiet of an unmoving room?
My fallback, when I’m unsure of what I’m doing, is usually to look at what everyone else is doing — through tweets, Instagram and blog posts. And usually, I don’t feel any surer or more certain about my own path after doing so.
So, what I tried to use as courage boost quickly becomes a debilitating obstacle. Something I should use to listen to myself further when I get to that place. An entry for me to ask questions of myself.
Why do you look to others for strength you know you have?
Why do you still do so, knowing it won’t get you much further than you already are?
The act of un-fogging my brain has taken much work. More than I initially imagined.
There’s an exercise I wanted to implement. Something to see what I thought.
Asking myself questions such as: What thoughts of mine are my own? What thoughts of mine were given to me?
Quieting your life may be a momentary solution for starting on your path.
Remember, the path needn’t be clear for you to go. But in order to go, you must start.
Putting one foot in front the other is the beginning of anything worth doing.